Monthly Archives: March 2011

#33. Kindergarten Afternoon Naps

It has been a busy morning of excitement and discovery: You successfully performed a hair transplant with the blonde girl sitting next to you. Tara was curious about your thick black hair and you of her long yellow strands, so … Continue reading

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#32. Fun with calculators!

In the fourth grade, everyone in your class was lent their very own four function calculator for the year. It was royal blue, it ran on solar power… it was the TI-108! It was just a plain 8-digit calculator, but … Continue reading

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#31. SEX ED! …for 4th graders

Let’s talk about sex, shall we? Are ten year old boys and girls too young to learn about condoms and vaginas? Then California Governor Pete Wilson didn’t think so, and I think he was right. I knew a lot about … Continue reading

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#30. Scholastic Book Orders: The greatest way to buy books!

4-6 weeks ago you did the unthinkable and burned through your allowance… on books! You couldn’t help yourself. There was always such a strong ENERGY surrounding every Scholastic Book Order release announcement. Your awesome teacher gave her full endorsement, creating … Continue reading

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#29. Computer Lab Day!

Get in a single file line! We’re going to the computer lab! The itinerary: 20 minutes of typing exercises (more advanced kids got to use those plastic Jedi training-style hand blinders that prevented you from looking at the keyboard as … Continue reading

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#28. Slinkies: The experience explained in pictures

1). THE BEGINNING 2).     3). THE GOAL 4). GAME OVER BONUS: AWESOME:   Photo sources: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7

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#27. 1-800-C-O-L-L-E-C-T: The Ghetto Pager

It’s 8pm on a Wednesday, in a world where the only cell phones that exist are as big as a shoe. Basketball practice just ended and the familiar headlights of your mom’s silver Mazda MPV, which looks like a Go-Go-Gadget … Continue reading

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#26. Crocodile Mile: Slippery plastic fun for kids!

“‘REAL WET RIDE!’–That’s what he said.” — Me. Now back to the real post, take it away Mr. Mark A.: Saturday, 1991. It’s summer: the sun is shining, the lawn is pristine, you slept twelve hours last night, Mom has … Continue reading

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#25. Running home for some Sunny D

The commercial: “Ok, we got OJ, purple stuff, some soda, Sunny Delight…” “I’ll try Sunny Delight.” “OK! YEA!” Real life: “So… what do you want to drink?” “What you got?” “Water, milk, soda, but that bottle has been sitting there … Continue reading

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#24. Leggo my Eggo, Bitch!

In all honesty, I kinda liked Eggo Waffles. I think we all did at some point. But it had nothing to do with those Saturday morning commercials that tried to artificially create a struggle in your family over a damn … Continue reading

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