#15. Arts and Crafts: Homemade Weapons Edition

Good morning! It’s 2pm, time for breakfast… (and you wonder why summers were always a blur?!). Last night was a long one. For Summer Vacation Day 27, you and your older brother decided to pull the annual Monopoly all-nighter, and NO! this time neither of you were allowed to quit like a little bitch once someone got their grubby hands on Boardwalk. It was a true battle of endurance. By 4am, both of you were lying on your bellies, resting your head on your forearm, and only lifting it to complete your turn. Fights at this hour centered around whose responsibility it was to reach the six inches to retrieve the recently tossed dice, rather than rental payments. If someone pretended to pass out, you called out their bluff and/or pocketed as many orange $500 bills as you could from the bank. Eventually there was an unspoken truce to just go to bed. You stumbled to your bed as loose bills flew out of your stuffed pajama bottoms, creating a money trail your mom had to pick up in the morning.

But that was last night, and waking up this afternoon, you see that it’s dark and cold outside. Looks like it’s gonna be an inside day today, but what to do? After watching a healthy dose of X-Men, the theme song gets ingrained in your head and you hum it as you jump between couches and scale the staircase railings.

You’re about to start a battle against 1,000 imaginary Foot Clan members, but then you get a better idea, and you shout out to your brother, wherever he is:

“Hey!”

“Yeah?”

“You wanna fight?”

“Haha, I’d kill you…”

“No! I meant, with weapons!”

“Oh. Hell yeah!”

“Ok, then meet in the hallway in 10 minutes. Bring your best!”

It’s on! You scurry past your mom in the kitchen as she wonders what kind of shenanigans you two are getting into. Opening the pantry, you find the first materials you will need: 2 straws.

You run into your parents’ room. The door’s open, so it’s ok. Opening the desk drawer, you fish through stacks of blank envelopes and rolls of stamps. Where are the paper clips and Scotch tape?… got it! Moving on…

Next you rush out to the garage, pull up a chair against the old refrigerator and take down the large box of Innisbrook wrapping paper (your parents dropped $50 for 5 rolls of wrapping paper to help your brother raise $300 for science camp). Searching…searching… ah! There it is… you finally found a roll that’s almost finished. You tear off the remaining scraps from the roll, then dump it in the bottom of the box. On the way out of the garage, you borrow some black electrical tape from your dad’s toolbox and wrap the lower end of the wrapping paper roll, for grip, obviously.

Time check: T-5 minutes. You’re planning to make at least two more weapons, as you take your loot to your room for assembly.

From your cherished cardboard dinosaur pencil box, the one your third grade teacher gave to you as an end of the year present, you pull out three brand new Number 2 pencils. You’ve been saving them for a moment just like this…

Gggrrrrrrr! Gggrrrrrr! Gggrrrrr! You touch the fine tips and lightly blow off the remaining lead flakes. Perfect!

You set those down, and pick up 10 paperclips. After interlocking all of them, you pierce each end of the paperclip chain through the tip of a straw, then reinforce it with Scotch tape. Excellent! You stick your newly constructed paperclip nunchucks in your back pocket.

ONE MINUTE LEFT!

In a last ditch effort, you dig through your closet to uncover a piece of a ripped white T-shirt that you previously used as a headband. Looking fierce Karate Kid!

You finally meet your brother in the hallway, both whistling the saloon showdown tune found in Clint Eastwood movies.

“Doo-wee-oo-wee-ooh… wah, WAH, wah…”

Without missing a beat, you both look to your left, his right, and follow an imaginary tumbleweed drift across the battlefield. As expected, he has also made a Katana… but is that all? You reach back to your left pocket and equip your left hand, flashing your Wolverine blades while beginning your Dubbed Kung-Fu style mockery of your enemy.

He is slightly taken aback!

You have the edge, and proceed to push ahead with your intimidation tactics. You tuck your Katana between your legs freeing your hands, but leaving you temporarily immobilized and looking very awkward, as you reach back and bust out your paperclip nunchucks. With a brief nunchuck demonstration involving a strange hand dance that would make both Wolverine and Michaelangelo stare at you in confusion, you scream high pitched Bruce Lee battle cries, then abruptly stop, calmly put the nunchucks back in your pocket, and return to your initial Wolverine Katana stance in cold silence.


Little do you know that your brother also has a surprise of his own… a grapefruit sized aluminum foil ball (took 2 years to complete) tucked in the back of his T-shirt. In about three seconds, that ball is heading straight for your head, starting WWIII.

3…2…1. FIGHT!

Photo sources: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5,6

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