17 million hours ago, Jesus walked on Earth.
Of those hours, AOL gave a thousand away for free.*
1000 hours! Great, they finally sucked you in! But from the beginning your internet access was strictly rationed since they charged by the minute and had a rounding policy that made even 1-800-COLLECT jealous. You were only allowed to sign on twice a day to see if “You’ve got mail!,” and do some quick IMing. On a lucky day, you were able to finally remember a web address from a TV commercial and actually had one website to look up for entertainment. Woot!
The first AOL CD you received made you feel special. Then in came the flood. Pretty soon you had a stack of AOL CDs that made your budding alternative rock collection look pathetic in comparison. You had the whole anthology: AOL 2.0, 2.5, 3.0, 4.0, 5.0! Of course you would never consider throwing any of them out. They were CDs! So fancy…
You couldn’t burn music onto the CDs, but they still had alternative uses:
- Beauty mirror
- Disco ball
- Mobile for babies
- Put it in a jewel case and add it to your CD tower to make your music collection look more impressive than it actually was.
- Use as skeet (if you lived in the South). Duck Hunt.
- High speed Frisbee
- Reflective boobs for the Fembot you made in wood shop class
- Christmas ornaments
- Re-gift it! The ultimate White Elephant gift prank. Sorry Tyler, no trading. Rules are rules.
*Almost impossible to use it all. It had to be used up within 45 days. 1000 hours/45 = 22 hours/day.