After reading these books (or having them read to you), you were convinced that you could make millions writing a more compelling story.
Story: The reader catches a glimpse into the life of a rich, young, paranoid rabbit who is in the middle of a twelve step program to overcome his fear of being robbed. Here we witness the rabbit performing his nightly ritual of taking inventory of all his possessions within his Great Green Room. This eccentric bunny groups items not by functionality but by their rhyming compatibility, allowing him to easily recount his things a second time before finally passing out to dream about earning more karats.
Best Line: “and a comb, and a brush, and a bowl full of mush.”
Adding objects into the story just because it rhymes…Brilliant! Now kids can learn how to be wasteful from an early age by thinking it’s ok to leave an untouched, piping hot bowl of oatmeal on your nightstand over night.
Story: Various animals of color cannot escape the death stares from another group in the animal kingdom. Clearly Bill Martin Jr. is attempting to ingrain racial tension amongst children by having an unending staring match between a Mexican bear, a Native American bird, an Asian duck, a Caucasian Dog, and an African-American sheep.
Best line: “Brown Bear, Brown Bear, what do you see? I see a red bird looking at me.”
Wait, you know how to choose two different animals and two different colors too? Fantastic!
Story: True satire of the American way of life: eating and eating until you finally morph into a unrecognizable form.
Best line: “On Tuesday, he ate through two pears… but he was still hungry.”
The Very Hungry Caterpillar is still hungry? Seeing the word “hungry” is almost as satisfying as hearing the title used in the dialogue of a movie.
Story: How to become a rude, insatiable guest’s bitch.
Best line: “When the picture is finished, he’ll want to sign his name. With a pen.” Shocker.
Dr. Seuss? Well, you can’t touch Dr. Seuss… he was a rapper. Like Shakespeare.
Here’s a sneak peak into my upcoming children’s book… I still need a snazzy title, but here’s the manuscript:
Pg 1: “A”, “a” (pictures of the letter “A”)
Pg 2: “B”, “b”
Pg 3: “C”, “c”
Pg 4: “D”, “d”
(It doesn’t have to make sense. It’s cute, kids will love it.)
I’m going to make millions. Read it to your kids off of your iPad 10.